An excerpt from

“WHAM! BAM!”
A Short One Act Comedy
By Bruce Kane

A pompous and self important super hero's sense of inadequacy gets in the way of a liaison
with his rival's sexy and eager wife.

"WHAM! BAM!"

TIME: The present
PLACE: A hotel room
CHARACTERS:
SHE – early thirties, attractive, nervous
HE – mid-thirties, handsome, egotistical, full of bravado and self importance. He’s incredibly pompous and, oh yes, he’s dressed in a complete super hero outfit complete with cape and cowel. He has a habit of striking super hero poses with fists on hips, feet apart and talking like everything he says has great importance.

(Lights Up on an attractive woman pacing nervously. Suddenly there's a knock on the door. She quickly crosses to the door and whispers...)

SHE: Who is it?

(From the other side of the door she hears...)

HE: It's me.. The champion of the poor and downtrodden. The defender of truth and ...

(She quickly opens the door and pulls him in. He is dressed in a complete super hero outfit. She closes the door behind him.)

SHE: Ohmygod...

HE: What is it?

SHE: Did you have to wear the cape and cowel?

HE: A bank was being robbed. I chased down the culprits. They won't be bothering the good citizens of our fair community anymore.

SHE: Couldn't you leave that to the police?

HE: I'm a super hero. Chasing down evil doers is what I've dedicated my life to.

SHE: Yeah... You and my husband.

HE: How is "whatshisname" these days?

SHE: We're not here to talk about him. Did anyone see you come in?

HE: I'm pretty hard to miss.

SHE: My God... What are they going to think?

HE: What they always think. There goes to the champion of the poor and downtrodden. The defender of truth and ...

SHE: I mean about you going into a hotel room. What if they put two and two together?

HE: Two and two? Did you invite another couple?

SHE: I mean what if they figure out what you're doing here. What I'm doing here. What we're doing here. Oh God. Are we really doing the right thing?

HE: Of course, we're doing the right thing.

SHE: How can you be damned sure?

HE: Because I always do the right thing. My whole life is dedicated to doing the right thing. Nobody does the right thing better than I do... the right thing.

SHE: Well, you do understand we're about to commit adultery here.

HE: No, we are not about to commit adultery.

SHE: We're not?

HE: No... You're about to commit adultery. I'm not married, remember?

SHE: (sarcastically) Well, thank you for that.

HE: You're quite welcome.

SHE: I just can't help thinking what he would do if he found out.

HE: He won't find out.

SHE: You forget he can see through walls.

HE: Oh sure. Keep throwing that in my face, why don't you?

SHE: Oh, please. Don't start with the jealous thing. Not while you're standing there in that... that monkey suit.

HE: Jealous? Me? Jealous? I don't have a jealous bone in my body. Nobody is less jealous than I am. I am the most least jealous person you will ever meet. What makes you think I'm jealous?

SHE: Nothing. Forget it.

HE: Besides, what do I have to be jealous of?

SHE: Nothing... You have nothing to be jealous of.

HE: You bet I don't.

SHE: Are we going to do this or...?

HE: You think I'm jealous because he can leap tall buildings in a single bound?

SHE: Can we not talk about...?

HE: I can bound. I'm a very accomplished bounder.

SHE: I'm sure you are. So, how do you want to do this? Do you want to undress...?

HE: Okay, so, I'm not more powerful than a speeding locomotive. My car goes from zero to a hundred in under five seconds while producing zero emissions.

SHE: If you don't we get started soon, your car won't be the only thing producing zero emissions.

(The play continues)

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