Moments From

"CRACKING THE WHIP"
One Act Comedy
by Bruce Kane

"Cracking The Whip" is a one act play in which Alan Bedford, one month short of his wedding day, begins an affair with a sexy woman almost half his age ... or does he? In this off beat one act play that all takes place up in Alan's mind, he is forced to face the truth by his reluctant conscience, who in Alan's fevered imagination takes the form of his S&M outfitted, whip cracking ex-wife. Alan's internal conflict between reality and fantasy, responsibility and escape is acted out in front of him when his prim fiance and his sexy fantasy stage a knock down, drag out brawl.

(copyright Bruce Kane Productions 2004)

("Cracking The Whip" It is protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission. The complete version is available for companies and individuals who are considering it for production. For more information on obtaining a complete version of this play visit Obtaining Scripts)

The play was performed at Actor's Studio of Newburyport in August 2004

"The performances were awesome. Very well received. We had a lot of fun working on this piece. Great audiences. We staged it in a small black box theater with just a stool center stage, and the fight between Amber and Susan was hilarious. Thank you very much for the wonderful opportunity to stage the show. I will definitely be looking into more scripts from Bruce Kane for future performance possibilities".

Greg Hall, Producer

"Cracking The Whip" has been successfuly performed at The Montgomery Playhouse at Asbury, the University of Prince Edward Island, Carthage College in Kenosha, WI., Actor's Studio of Newburyport and the Latrobe Theatre Company Inc, of Victoria, Australia. The actress playing the role of "Laura" in the Latrobe production won the award for "Best Performance By An Actress" in a one-act play festival. Latrobe Theatre Company will be performing the play at one act play festivals in Gippsland, Foster, Mornington and Anglesea in Australia.

"CRACKING THE WHIP"

PLACE: Inside the confused mind of Alan Bedford

CHARACTERS:

ALAN BEDFORD - late thirties… confused.

SUSAN - Alan's fiancee - thirty and prim

AMBER - early twenties, pretty, sexy and wearing next to nothing.

LAURA - mid thirties, large breasted, dressed in black s&m boots with whip and outfit to match

LIGHTS UP: All the characters are arrayed on stage. Susan can not see Amber or Laura. Amber can not see Susan or Laura. Laura sees everything. Alan sees what he wants to see.

(Agitated, Alan crosses to Laura.)

ALAN: You can go. You're not needed here.

LAURA: It's your mind, Alan. All you have to do is stop thinking about me and I'm out of here.

ALAN: Trust me, I'd like nothing better than to not think of you.

LAURA: (to audience) Alan is in crisis.

ALAN: I’m not in crisis... Just a little tired.

LAURA: (to audience) Alan couldn’t rise to the occasion last night.

ALAN: Go ahead... Tell the whole world. Call Peter Jennings, why don't you?

LAURA: You never had a hydraulic problem with me.

ALAN: I didn’t dare.

SUSAN: It’s okay, Alan... Really... There’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about... These things happen.

ALAN: Maybe to you. Not to me.

SUSAN: What’s that supposed to mean? Maybe to you, not to me.

ALAN: Nothing... Nothing... I didn’t mean anything.

SUSAN: Are you saying this is my fault?

ALAN: No... No... It’s nobody’s fault.

SUSAN: Maybe you should think about seeing a doctor.

ALAN: I am a doctor.

SUSAN: No, you’re not... You’re a dentist.

ALAN: (to audience) Is it any wonder dentists have the highest suicide rate of any profession?

LAURA: Is that supposed to be some kind of ploy for sympathy?

ALAN: From you? That's a laugh. No. I was just pointing out a little known fact.

LAURA: Your life story. A collection of little known facts.

SUSAN: I’m only concerned for your sake.

ALAN: (to Laura) See... A woman concerned for my welfare. Listen and learn. (to Susan) I’m fine.

SUSAN: I know how something like this can damage a man’s self esteem.

ALAN: My self-esteem will be up and around in no time.

SUSAN: It is me, isn’t it?

ALAN: It’s not you.

SUSAN: I don’t excite you anymore.

ALAN: This has nothing to do with you.

SUSAN: You’ve never had this problem before, have you?

ALAN: No, I’ve never had this problem before.

SUSAN: Then why now?

LAURA: Alan... You know, of course, that impotence is usually a symptom of unresolved conflict.

ALAN: I’m not impotent.

SUSAN: I didn’t say you were impotent.

ALAN: Could we just drop the subject?

(Amber crosses to Alan, drapes herself all over him and speaks in a gooey kind of sexiness)

AMBER: Alan... Honey...

ALAN: (goes into baby talk mode) Yes, sweetie, baby.

LAURA: A warning to the first three rows. I may hurl at any moment.

AMBER: How do you, like, feel?

ALAN: Fine. I feel absolutely finey winey.

AMBER: But, do, y'know... feel like wonderful?

ALAN: I just said I did.

AMBER: No. You said you felt finey winey.

ALAN: Well, I meant wonderful.

AMBER: But you feel wonderful a lot, don’t you?

ALAN: No, I wouldn’t say a lot.

AMBER: Like how much?

ALAN: Some.

AMBER: So this isn’t some kind of like new experience for you.

ALAN: No.

LAURA: But I’d say this conversation is.

AMBER: I feel like really good, y'know?

ALAN: Oh, I know.

AMBER: And I don’t, y'know feel like bad about it.

LAURA: You might want to explain to her that one usually cancels out the other.

AMBER: Y’see feeling good always makes me feel like totally bummed. I mean every time I feel happy, I begin to like think about all the people around the world y'know who aren’t happy and then I feel like guilty and then I get like all depressed, y'know.

ALAN: But you’re not depressed now?

AMBER: Oh, no.

LAURA: Then how does she know she’s happy?

ALAN: Will you butt out. (to Amber) You were actually expecting to feel bad.

AMBER: Well, like, yeah.

ALAN: But, why, dumpling?

AMBER: Because I had all those y'know orgasms last night and I keep thinking about all the women around the world waking up this morning who had like only one or two.

LAURA: (to Alan) You’re making this up aren’t you?

ALAN: God, you're incredibl. (He puts his arms around Amber and begins to rub) Have I mentioned your thighs in the last five minutes?

SUSAN: (horrified) My thighs? I knew it. You think I'm getting fat.

ALAN: I don't think you're getting fat.

SUSAN: Then why are you fixating on my thighs?

ALAN: I'm not fixating. I wasn't even...

SUSAN: Even what?

ALAN: Nothing.

LAURA: Does... uh? (indicates Amber)

ALAN: Amber... Her name is Amber.

LAURA: Amber. Of course... Does Amber know she's just a...?

ALAN: (quickly cutting in) Memory. Memory... Just like you... Only, she's a good memory. A pleasant memory. A memory I remember fondly.

AMBER: You wanna like, y'know... Do it again?

ALAN: You've been reading my mind.

LAURA: Just the big print version.

AMBER: Last night was like the best sex I ever had.

LAURA: Have you ever considered fiction writing as an alternate career?

ALAN: I could make love to you forever.

SUSAN: You just said you were tired.

LAURA: You are a bundle of contradictions, aren’t you? One minute you can’t light the old fire, and the next you’re a late blooming nymphomaniac.

ALAN: For your information only women are nymphomaniacs.

LAURA: Another piece of sexist propaganda.

ALAN: Men are "satyrs."

LAURA: Oh, sure... Women are maniacs while men are characters from Greek mythology.

ALAN: (to Amber) Am I really the best lover you've ever had?

SUSAN: I thought we agreed not to delve into each other's past.

ALAN: Because you're the best I've ever had.

SUSAN: (pleased) Really?

LAURA: The best?

ALAN: Yes, the best.

LAURA: (cracks her whip) The best?

ALAN: (nervously) Okay... Maybe the second best.

LAURA: That's better.

SUSAN: If you really feel that I'm... Maybe we could give it another...

AMBER: You're like the hottest dude I've ever done.

ALAN: (modestly) I try.

LAURA: Hey, "dude." Fantasy is one thing. Mental illness is another.

ALAN: You just can't stand the fact that I'm happy, can you?

LAURA: Happy? You're hallucinating.

ALAN: Isn't that the clinical definition of happy?

LAURA: You're a very sick man. You know that, don't you?

ALAN: And you know you're free to go anytime.

LAURA: And you know I can't do that, until you stop thinking about me. And that raises another question… Why are you thinking about me?

ALAN: Maybe I like watching you squirm.

LAURA: You think I'm jealous?

ALAN: You are, aren't you?

LAURA: No.

ALAN: Of course you are.

LAURA: If I am, it's only because you want to think I am.

ALAN: Hey, that's good enough for me. (He puts his arms around Susan and Amber)

LAURA: Don't push me Alan.

ALAN: Why not?

LAURA: Just don't do it.

ALAN: You can't threaten me. I'm in control here. Not you. Me. This is my mind we're in. If I want two women to be in love with me, I only have to think it. If I want you to be jealous, I just think it and you're jealous. And if I want you to stand there and watch me make love to two women who are younger and prettier than you, then you're going to stand there and...

LAURA: (to Susan and Amber) Girls.

ALAN: What are you doing?

LAURA: Can I have your attention please?

ALAN: It won't work. They don't know you're here.

LAURA: There's something both of you need to know.

ALAN: You're wasting your time.

SUSAN: (to Laura) Who are you?

LAURA: We'll get to that in a minute.

SUSAN: (to Alan) Who is she?

ALAN: Who?

SUSAN: (points to Laura) Her. (disgustedly) This.

ALAN: There's no one there. Are you feeling alright? Maybe if you lied down.

AMBER: Alan, who are these people?

ALAN: What people?

AMBER: (indicates Susan) Well, like her and like her.

SUSAN: I’m Susan... Alan’s fiancee.

AMBER: (stunned) Fiancee?

ALAN: (to Laura) Stop this right now.

AMBER: You’re engaged?

SUSAN: The wedding’s in a month... Who may I ask are you?

AMBER: You never said anything about getting married.

LAURA: Shame on you Alan.

SUSAN: Alan, who is this woman?

ALAN: What woman? I don't see any woman.

LAURA: It won't work Alan. The cat's, like, out of the bag.

SUSAN: (to Amber) And just what is your relation to my fiancee?

AMBER: Let's just say I'm the woman he's given like more climaxes than a Stephen King novel.

LAURA: (to Alan) Delusional doesn't even come close to describing your state of mind.

SUSAN: (astonished) You’re having an affair!

ALAN: I’m not having an affair...

(The play continues...)