“UNDER THE BALCONY”
(A One Act Comedy)
by Bruce Kane
with help from W. Shakespeare

"Under The Balcony" is a one act play in which Casanova, fleeing a jealous husband, interrupts Shakespeare's famous "Romeo, Romeo, wherefor art thou, Romeo" scene to seek Romeo's aid in escaping

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(This an excerpt from "Under The Balcony". Click on Download Scripts to purchase the complete script)

“UNDER THE BALCONY”
by Bruce Kane
with help from W. Shakespeare

PLACE: Under Juliet’s Balcony
TIME: After midnight

CHARACTERS:
Romeo
Juliet
Casanova

(Lights up on Romeo pacing anxiously under Juliet’s balcony. Suddenly, a figure in black races across the stage and crashes into Romeo, knocking them both off their feet)

CASANOVA: My apologies, my young lord.

ROMEO: Who art thou?

CASANOVA: (stands) No one of consequence.

ROMEO: (being helped to his feet) Then what is it you seek in this place?

CASANOVA: Exit?. If thou woulds’t be so kind as to point me to the nearest gate.

ROMEO: My direction will do thee no good.

CASANOVA: If it is good direction it will, indeed, do me a great deal of good.

ROMEO: Only if thou art a phantom.

CASANOVA: How so, my young friend?

ROMEO: All gates are locked at the stroke of twelve.

CASANOVA: Then, perhaps, thou woulds’t be so kind as to accompany me to the nearest wall. A leg up and I will disappear into the night as though I were a phantom.

ROMEO: Leave this very place? I cannot.

CASANOVA: Art thou a prisoner?

ROMEO: Only of my lady’s smile.

CASANOVA: Ah… A damsel.

ROMEO: Aye. The fairest eyes have ever gazed upon.

CASANOVA: So here thee stands in darkness, lit only by a pale moon, waiting for a sign, a signal, perhaps, that the husband of the lady in question is otherwise occupied?

ROMEO: Oh no. Tis not so.

CASANOVA: I am truly sorry to hear such.

ROMEO: I would’st not dally with another man’s wife.

CASANOVA: Other men’s wives are the only wives with which one should dally.

ROMEO: And dishonor the bonds of matrimony?

CASANOVA: Never. I honor the bonds of matrimony more than any man thou shal’t make acquaintance of.

ROMEO: I am happy to hear such.

CASANOVA: Without marriage there woulds’t be no married women. And a world without married women would be a sad and empty world indeed.

ROMEO: Indeed.

CASANOVA: A marriage is liketh a beautiful garden, woulds’t thou agree?

ROMEO: Ay, I woulds’t.

CASANOVA: And a garden must be constantly tended, woulds’t thou also agree?

ROMEO: I woulds’t.

CASANOVA: But left to neglect a garden will wither and die.

ROMEO: True.

CASANOVA: And in this age, most husbands, tis sad to behold, pay little attention to the tending of their marriage garden.

ROMEO: Tis sad, indeed.

CASANOVA: If the garden is to blossom into full ripeness, tis the wife, then, who must see to its tender care.

ROMEO: Spoken well.

CASANOVA: So it is only in the service of restoring the bloom to that rose that is the married woman that I enter the garden to plow her neglected furrow.

ROMEO: (circling Casanova) I know thee.

CASANOVA: I fear that is not possible

ROMEO: I have seen thee before.

CASANOVA: I am not of this city.

ROMEO: My friend Mercutio didst point thee out when once we did visit Venice. Thou art Casanova. Mercutio said thou has’t seduced more women than any man in Italy.

CASANOVA: Your friend was wrong.

ROMEO: Was he?

CASANOVA: In limiting my humble achievements to Italy alone.

ROMEO: Mercutio sayeth every man dos’t hate thee.

CASANOVA: Jealousy sometimes doth find expression in anger.

ROMEO: Tis said there is not a woman in all Christendom that trusts thee.

CASANOVA: Indeed.

ROMEO: And this thou freely admit?

CASANOVA: Why dos’t thou think so many extend me invitation to attend them in their boudoir?

ROMEO: Is that what thou art doing here this night? Dallying with another man’s wife?

CASANOVA: No longer, I am sad to report.

ROMEO: Scorned by a woman of strong virtue, no doubt.

CASANOVA: Disturbed by a husband much surprised, no doubt. Which is why I implore thine help in scaling that far wall.

ROMEO: Thou dishonor a woman and expecteth me to aid thy retreat?

CASANOVA: Dishonor? By showing my appreciation of what her husband has so foolishly chosen to ignore? Why, I pay her the highest honor.

ROMEO: Thou art quick of tongue.

CASANOVA: Exactly what the lady sayeth before we were so rudely interrupted.

ROMEO: Thou art carnal and debased.

CASANOVA: Before passing judgment my young Lord, hear me out.

ROMEO: Dos’t I have choice in the matter?

CASANOVA: Thou coulds’t aid my escape and render me speechless.

ROMEO: And miss a glance of my love’s fair visage?

CASANOVA: I will speak quickly as I must make haste. Whilst a woman, young and virginal, sets marriage as the price for the gift of her virtue, a married women has no virtue to make gift of and no need of marriage, thereby making pleasure it’s own reward. Here me well, my young novice. A woman with husband has so much to offer and asks so little in return. Tis a bargain made in heaven.

ROMEO: Or hell.

CASANOVA: Is this be hell, then never let me see heaven.

(A light appears on Juliet’s balcony)

ROMEO: But soft what light through yonder window breaks?

CASANOVA: Excuse me.

(Juliet steps out onto the balcony)

ROMEO: Tis, the east and Juliet is the sun.

CASANOVA: (gazes on Juliet appreciatively) Thou speakest the truth, young lord. Your maiden is fair, indeed. If she was but married, I woulds’t gladly be your rival.

ROMEO: I must speak to her.

CASANOVA: Quiet… Thou must not speak.

ROMEO: How will she know my feelings?

CASANOVA: If thou is to find success with maidens fair, thou must never reveal thy true feelings,

ROMEO: But she must know I love her.

CASANOVA: No… She must only know that she loves thee.

ROMEO: Thy preaching makes no sense.

CASANOVA: When engaging the fairer sex, young lord, take thy satisfaction in harvesting the fruit. Tis not necessary to own the orchard.

ROMEO: Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!

CASANOVA: Wait one minute. Thou art are standing here in the middle of the night, under her balcony and she knows not you are her love?

ROMEO: I was wearing a mask when first we met?

CASANOVA: A mask?

ROMEO: Aye, a mask.

CASANOVA: Good. Tis very good.

ROMEO: Tis?

CASANOVA: Tis.

ROMEO: How so?

CASANOVA: She knows not your face, therefore, when the moment comes, and it will, she cannot slappeth it nor spitteth in it.

(Juliet starts to speak)

ROMEO: She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?

CASANOVA: Tis what women do. Thou art young, but thou wilt become accustomed.. It falleth under the heading “If thou cared for me, thou coulds’t read my mind”

(The play continues)